real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
