My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Randomize
