I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
