I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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