dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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