Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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