If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
