She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
