oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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