And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
