gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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