Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
