No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
