i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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