When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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