Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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