Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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