i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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