he shaved USA in his pubs
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
