sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
