So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
