I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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