No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
