Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
