peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
