I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize