i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
