Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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