reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
