Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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