people are starting to question the shark bite story
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
