The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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