the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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