Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
