I seem to have left my pride at pride
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize