She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
