Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
