He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
