He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize