I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
