I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
