i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize