Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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