She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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