JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize