tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
