WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
