ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
