Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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