Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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