I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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