are you still at the devil's house?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
