you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
