I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize