Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
