Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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