Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
