i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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