i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
