if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
