just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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