Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
