My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
