at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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