ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
