Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
