Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
