it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize