Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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