I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
