out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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