Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
