can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
