i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
