Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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