you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
