while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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