New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
