haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Floor bacon is actually really good
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I know youâre not my dad, but youâre someoneâs dad. Youâre also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Fatherâs Day
Randomize
