just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
