At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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