oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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