took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
