forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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