No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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