8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize