umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
