We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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