If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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