Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
