I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
