he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We got so high we made milksteak
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize