Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
