Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Even my vagina gasped.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize