It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
