he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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