please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
