i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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