Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I believe in your delicious
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
