Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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