Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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