I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
