I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I fill condoms, not promises.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
