Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
