i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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