this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize