Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
