You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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