someone threw a dead crab at me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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