yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
