wrigley field is MILF paradise
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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